Answer:
It may seem curious that someone like me, a psychotherapist, should be interested in problems of communication. But, in fact, the whole task of psychotherapy is to deal with a failure in communication. In emotionally maladjusted people, communication within themselves has broken down, and as a result, their communication with others has been damaged. To put it another way, their unconscious, repressed, or denied desires have created distortions in the way they communicate with others. Thus they suffer both within themselves and in their interpersonal relationships.
The goal of psychotherapy is to help an individual achieve, through a special relationship with a therapist, good communication within himself or herself. Once this is achieved, that person can communicate more freely and effectively with others. So we may say that psychotherapy is good communication within and between people. We can turn that statement around and it will still be true. Good communication, or free communication, within or between people is always therapeutic.
Through my experience in counseling and psychotherapy, I’ve found that there is one main obstacle to communication: people’s tendency to evaluate. Fortunately, I’ve also discovered that if people can learn to listen with understanding, they can mitigate their evaluative impulses and greatly improve their communication with others.
Barrier: The Tendency to Evaluate
We all have a natural urge to judge, evaluate, and approve (or disapprove) another person’s statement. Suppose someone, commenting on what I’ve just stated, says, “I didn’t like what that man said.” How will you respond? Almost invariably your reply will be either approval or disapproval of the attitude expressed. Either you respond, “I didn’t either; I thought it was terrible,” or else you say, “Oh, I thought it was really good.” In other words, your first reaction is to evaluate it from your point of view.
Or suppose I say with some feeling, “I think the Democrats are showing a lot of good sound sense these days.” What is your first reaction? Most likely, it will be evaluative. You will find yourself agreeing or disagreeing, perhaps making some judgment about me such as, “He must be a liberal,” or “He seems solid in his thinking.”
Although making evaluations is common in almost all conversation, this reaction is heightened in situations where feelings and emotions are deeply involved. So the stronger the feelings, the less likely it is that there will be a mutual element in the communication. There will be just two ideas, two feelings, or two judgments missing each other in psychological space.
If you’ve ever been a bystander at a heated discussion—one in which you were not emotionally involved—you’ve probably gone away thinking, “Well, they actually weren’t talking about the same thing.” And because it was heated, you were probably right. Each person was making a judgment, an evaluation, from a personal frame of reference. There was nothing that could be called communication in any real sense. And this impulse to evaluate any emotionally meaningful statement from our own viewpoint is what blocks interpersonal communication.
hope it helpful to you……….
